just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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