she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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