It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
