watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize