Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
