Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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