Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
