yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
