my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
