No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
