What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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