thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's never too late to be topless.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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