was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
