i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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