I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
