Apparently you make a good broom.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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