dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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