She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
