Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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