i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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