More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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