I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
