I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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