my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
