i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
