whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
