Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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