She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
