Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
