you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
