mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
