Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize