Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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