I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
