O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
only you would photoshop your dick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
