He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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