If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
