my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had to coat check the pizza.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is classic penis vs brain.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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