They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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