IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
