I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
