census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
