Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
