I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
