Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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