i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
