You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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