I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
