A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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