You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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