We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
