Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
