Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
