Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
