Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
