He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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