She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
