I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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