she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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