dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
