Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
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