I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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