that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
