So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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