girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
