They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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