ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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