i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
