So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
