If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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