yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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