I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
