wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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