is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
